"We are worried about you. Yes, you--you with the ashen face, pale lips, and expression of dazed horror. Although many of you may try, you can't really do anything about [Bush's victory in 2004]. But you can do something about your post-election stress disorder. [Included in this book is] more than 250 ways to help you get through the next four years."
-Gene Stone
The book "The Bush Survival Bible" was originally created to help people cope with the excruciating pain that most (sane) citizens experienced when they heard that Bush won the 2004 elections. Although we are past that blemish in America's history, we can still look back and have a nice laugh. Well not really, but what else are we gonna do about it? The book is packed with jokes poking fun at Bush and the Bush Administration, and I felt that you would really enjoy some of these jokes. Hopefully I don't get sued for copyright infringement. (To try to sway that from happening, here is the link to view the book on Amazon. All credit goes to the author.)
"Bushisms"
"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dreams." -George Bush
"Al Gore is a very tough opponent. He is the incumbent. He represents the incumbency. And a challenger is somebody who generally comes from the pack and wins, if you're going to win. And that's where I'm coming from." -George Bush
"Our priorities is our faith" -George Bush
"In my judgment, when the United States says there will be serious consequences, and if there isn't serious consequences, it creates adverse consequences." -George Bush
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." -George Bush
"I think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the job is underestimating." -George BushClick Here to show more Bushisms.
"I think we agree, the past is over: -George Bush
"The woman who knew that I had dyslexia-I never interviewed her." -George Bush
"There's only one person who hugs the mothers and the widows, the wives and the kids, upon the death of their loved one. Others hug but having committed the troops, I've got an additional responsibility to hug and that's me and I know what it's like." -George Bush
"Let me make it very clear, poor people aren't necessarily killers. Just because you happen to not be right doesn't mean you're willing to kill." -George Bush
"Security is the essential roadblock to achieving the road map to peace." -George Bush
"I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein." -George Bush
"Too many docs are getting out of the business. Too many ob-gyns aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country." -George Bush
"I hope you leave here and walk out and say, 'What did he say?'." -George Bush
Bush Jokes
At a party a man came up to Texas governor George W. Bush and said, "Have you heard the latest George W. Bush joke?".
Governor Bush said, "I'm George W. Bush".
The man said, "Oh, I'll tell it slowly.".
George W. Bush is out jogging one morning and notices a little boy on the corner with a box. Curious, he runs over to the child and says, "What's in the box, kid?"
The little boy says, "Kittens! They're brand-new kittens."
George W. laughs and says, "What kind of kittens are they?"
"Republicans," the child says.
"Oh, that's cute," George W. says, and he runs off.
A few days later George is running with his buddy Dick and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead. They both jog over to him.
George W. says, "Look in the box, Dick, isn't that cute? Look at those little kittens. Hey, kid, tell my friend Dick what kind of kittens they are."
The boy replies, "They're Democrats."
"Whoa!" George W. says, "I came by the other day and you said they were Republicans. What's up?"
"Well," the kid says, "their eyes are open now."
As Governor, Bush got to ceremonially act as a state trooper for a day. While operating a speed trap, Bush pulled over a Texas farmer. He lectured the farmer about his speed and the necessity of obeying laws made by his superiors, and in general threw his weight around. Finally, he got around to writing the ticket, and as he was doing so he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya, sir?"
Bush stopped writing the ticket and said,"Well, yeah, if that's what they are--I never heard of circle flies."
So the farmer said, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of horses."
Bush said,"Oh", and went back to writing the ticket. After a minute he stopped and slowly said, "Hey . . . Wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's ass?"
The farmer says,"Oh no, Governor, I have too much respect for you to even think of calling you a horse's ass."
Grinning broadly, Bush says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies, though."
1 comment:
Dear Shawn, glad you're back. It feels good to hear the bush jokes and other gaffes. We need to not have amnesia about where we have been, and could be again.
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